Sunday, September 4, 2011
5 Day Transfer!
So I had to call my lab today to find out if my transfer was going to be a three day which would have been today or a five day which will be Tuesday. Lucky for me, my transfer will be on Tuesday. Out of the nine, we still have seven that are really going strong. I honestly couldn't be happier with my cycle. I'm hoping the good news just keeps on coming
Friday, September 2, 2011
So I had the retrieval
Andddddddddd we got 17 eggs! For me that's fantastic! My RE called this morning and out of the 17, 9 fertilized! couldn't be happier with those numbers. I have to call them on Sunday and see when my transfer will be. If it's a three day transfer it will be Sunday and if it's a five day transfer it will be Tuesday. Either one I will be happy with. I will keep everyone posted as I find out more on Sunday.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Had The Trail Transfer Today
So today went well, had the transfer and everything went very smoothly which is always fantastic.
One thing I like about my new RE is that they monitor you very closely whereas my old RE I went in once every four or five days. My new RE wants me there basically every other day which is very comforting to me. I feel my new RE really is in the business of getting me pregnant where my old RE seemed like he just wanted to be my friend. As far as my schedule goes I got a little more in depth information today at my appointment. Basically, I stopped taking the birth control yesterday, I go in Friday for blood work and ultra sound and then start the stimulation medicine Saturday. The week of the 29th will be my egg retrieval and then three or five days later the transfer. I can't believe how quickly it's going.
One thing I like about my new RE is that they monitor you very closely whereas my old RE I went in once every four or five days. My new RE wants me there basically every other day which is very comforting to me. I feel my new RE really is in the business of getting me pregnant where my old RE seemed like he just wanted to be my friend. As far as my schedule goes I got a little more in depth information today at my appointment. Basically, I stopped taking the birth control yesterday, I go in Friday for blood work and ultra sound and then start the stimulation medicine Saturday. The week of the 29th will be my egg retrieval and then three or five days later the transfer. I can't believe how quickly it's going.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
We're On Our Way
So I got my IVF schedule on Friday and I have to say that this is the quickest cycle I will do here's the rundown:
17th-Trial Embryo Transfer
20th-Start Stims
31st-2nd- Egg Retrieval
5th or 7th- Transfer
I feel like I'm not ready for this cycle, that it's just coming up so fast but maybe that's a good thing. I'm trying not to get too freaked out about it. I've been listening to my meditation cd's which I feel like they are helping. I've cut out all caffeine and I've really been watching what I've been eating. I don't want to look back at this cycle and think I didn't do everything in my power to make it a successful one.
I will update again on the 17th after the trail transfer
17th-Trial Embryo Transfer
20th-Start Stims
31st-2nd- Egg Retrieval
5th or 7th- Transfer
I feel like I'm not ready for this cycle, that it's just coming up so fast but maybe that's a good thing. I'm trying not to get too freaked out about it. I've been listening to my meditation cd's which I feel like they are helping. I've cut out all caffeine and I've really been watching what I've been eating. I don't want to look back at this cycle and think I didn't do everything in my power to make it a successful one.
I will update again on the 17th after the trail transfer
Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Journey Begins
So, AF showed yesterday and that means IVF #3 is on it's way. I get to call my RE tomorrow and schedule my day 3 work up and then go from there. Like I said at first it's a slow process starting with birth control and then moving on from there so as of right now we just sit and wait.
But on another note, I got to take some awesome pictures of my dog over the weekend and wanted to share a couple, here they are:
But on another note, I got to take some awesome pictures of my dog over the weekend and wanted to share a couple, here they are:
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Waiting
I'm just waiting for my period to show her ugly face so that we can get this show one the road. Once I get it I go in for a three day work up which means blood work and an ultrasound. After that I start birth control and then on to the stims.
Right now the process is slow so I don't have much to report. I also ordered a St. Gerard necklace because honestly it can't hurt and I feel like it will do me some good. Now if you don't know St. Gerard is the patron saint of motherhood. They say you should pray to him if you are looking to conceive a child, for a safe delivery or for a sick child. For me this is the first time praying to him and at first I was on the fence about it since I'm not big into religion but over the last few nights I find myself talking to him like he was an old friend, explaining to him our situation, telling him what great parents we would make and whatnot. I really feel connected in a way. I feel like when I lay my head down and "get to talking" someone is listening. Maybe I'm in a better place than I was a year ago or maybe I'm starting to embrace my catholic up bringing but whatever it is I like it.
I may even go to church.
Maybe
Right now the process is slow so I don't have much to report. I also ordered a St. Gerard necklace because honestly it can't hurt and I feel like it will do me some good. Now if you don't know St. Gerard is the patron saint of motherhood. They say you should pray to him if you are looking to conceive a child, for a safe delivery or for a sick child. For me this is the first time praying to him and at first I was on the fence about it since I'm not big into religion but over the last few nights I find myself talking to him like he was an old friend, explaining to him our situation, telling him what great parents we would make and whatnot. I really feel connected in a way. I feel like when I lay my head down and "get to talking" someone is listening. Maybe I'm in a better place than I was a year ago or maybe I'm starting to embrace my catholic up bringing but whatever it is I like it.
I may even go to church.
Maybe
Monday, July 18, 2011
We are back from vacation!
We had such a fantastic time in Mexico.
Here are some pictures from our trip. This is a resort I would go back to in a heartbeat.
FYI, We stayed at the Excellence Riviera Cancun
Here are some pictures from our trip. This is a resort I would go back to in a heartbeat.
FYI, We stayed at the Excellence Riviera Cancun
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Hello Again
So here we are...
I figured I would start to blog again seeing as how we will be moving forward with another IVF come August. I really haven't felt the need to blog about our journey since we haven't done anything for almost a year. Actually August will be one year since our last IVF and we all know how that ended. Over the last few months I've been on the fence about IVF. I have inner turmoil about it to be honest. I want to do it, I don't, I do, I don't. It sometimes feels like a never ending battle between my head and heart. I feel I'm in a better place now then I was a year ago. I feel like so many things have changed. I've lost 30 pounds, I have a great job, Dan and I's marriage is better than it has ever been, and the biggest one of all is we switched doctors.
I feel that my new doctor can get me what I want, I know that sounds kind of I don't know weird to phrase it that way but I'm looking at getting pregnant as a business. They are selling a service that I am buying so my attitude now is "it's nothing personal it's business." That's what I told my old doctor when I informed him I was leaving his practice. I needed to get a second opinion, if I didn't I would have just sat there and wondered "what if" I hate what ifs. I didn't want to go through another cycle with my old RE and wonder if someone else could have done something different and then God forbid it didn't work I would have kicked myself in the ass for not seeing someone new. The new place is far from our house (about 40 minutes) but you have to do what you have to do. I think I can deal with getting up an hour earlier if the end result is a beautiful baby.
I am also going to try new methods of relaxing, I've purchased some meditation cd's that are geared towards IVF, I've also cut out all the drama in my life. I let go of a lot of feelings that were bringing me down about past friendships, relationships and just bad feelings in general. I'm really going to try to be as positive as I can about this new cycle. I figure new me, new doctor, new attitude.
Dan and I are also taking a vacation. Next week we will be in sunny Mexico for five lovely days. Our anniversary is next Wednesday and we both wanted to get away and relax so we are headed back to Mexico. I really couldn't be happier with where we are right now as a couple. We talked about going through IVF again and I said to him that he needs to be apart of the cycle 100%. Last cycle, I will admit it was all me. I was going to the doctor myself, doing the shots myself (not that I would want him to give them to me anyway) but you get my point. I felt that I was going through it alone and that was a really shitty feeling. This time around I know he will be there 150%, does he get how it feels to go through what I go through, no. He does however understand now how emotionally taxing it is on me. That if I'm in a bad/sad/happy/angry/loving mood it really all depends on the medicine and how I'm feeling on that day.
I feel that this cycle will be...dare I say it. The cycle.
I feel it, I feel it deep down. I feel that I've "paid my dues" and now it's my turn.
I figured I would start to blog again seeing as how we will be moving forward with another IVF come August. I really haven't felt the need to blog about our journey since we haven't done anything for almost a year. Actually August will be one year since our last IVF and we all know how that ended. Over the last few months I've been on the fence about IVF. I have inner turmoil about it to be honest. I want to do it, I don't, I do, I don't. It sometimes feels like a never ending battle between my head and heart. I feel I'm in a better place now then I was a year ago. I feel like so many things have changed. I've lost 30 pounds, I have a great job, Dan and I's marriage is better than it has ever been, and the biggest one of all is we switched doctors.
I feel that my new doctor can get me what I want, I know that sounds kind of I don't know weird to phrase it that way but I'm looking at getting pregnant as a business. They are selling a service that I am buying so my attitude now is "it's nothing personal it's business." That's what I told my old doctor when I informed him I was leaving his practice. I needed to get a second opinion, if I didn't I would have just sat there and wondered "what if" I hate what ifs. I didn't want to go through another cycle with my old RE and wonder if someone else could have done something different and then God forbid it didn't work I would have kicked myself in the ass for not seeing someone new. The new place is far from our house (about 40 minutes) but you have to do what you have to do. I think I can deal with getting up an hour earlier if the end result is a beautiful baby.
I am also going to try new methods of relaxing, I've purchased some meditation cd's that are geared towards IVF, I've also cut out all the drama in my life. I let go of a lot of feelings that were bringing me down about past friendships, relationships and just bad feelings in general. I'm really going to try to be as positive as I can about this new cycle. I figure new me, new doctor, new attitude.
Dan and I are also taking a vacation. Next week we will be in sunny Mexico for five lovely days. Our anniversary is next Wednesday and we both wanted to get away and relax so we are headed back to Mexico. I really couldn't be happier with where we are right now as a couple. We talked about going through IVF again and I said to him that he needs to be apart of the cycle 100%. Last cycle, I will admit it was all me. I was going to the doctor myself, doing the shots myself (not that I would want him to give them to me anyway) but you get my point. I felt that I was going through it alone and that was a really shitty feeling. This time around I know he will be there 150%, does he get how it feels to go through what I go through, no. He does however understand now how emotionally taxing it is on me. That if I'm in a bad/sad/happy/angry/loving mood it really all depends on the medicine and how I'm feeling on that day.
I feel that this cycle will be...dare I say it. The cycle.
I feel it, I feel it deep down. I feel that I've "paid my dues" and now it's my turn.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
It's been so long
I can't believe that I haven't posted anything in over two months. I guess life just gets in the way sometimes, but isn't that always the case?
So here's my update. Still not pregnant (no shocker there), work is going fantastic I'm really happy to be working for such a great company and I have also met some pretty awesome people that I'm happy to call them my friends, The hubby is fantastic as well (Today is his 30th birthday!) he actually just ran his first full marathon all 26.2 miles of it, I really couldn't be more proud of him. The puppy is good, she's still crazy as ever but I really don't expect anything less from her lol.
Probably the biggest update I have is that I've lost 20 pounds since January. I'm so ridiculously proud of myself I can't even stand it lol. I've been on Nutrisystem and I love it. The food is actually really good, I thought I was going to hate it but it's not bad at all. Don't get me wrong there are days when I want nothing but French fries and pizza but I know in the end it won't do me any good to go back to eating that way.
As far as the whole pregnant thing we are still on a break. It's a welcomed break to be honest, I feel like I'm myself again. There are times that of course I wish things were different or I get angry or sad but it's to be expected. Right now we are discussing going to another doctor for our next IVF which I'm completely fine with. The problem is the new doctor is 40 minutes from our house. So that means we would have to drive 40 mins there, 40 mins back to our house and work is an additional hour from there. So a lot of driving and a very long day. In the end you have to do what you have to do. Also, if we switched we'd have to wait until December to start again so that we have all of our personal time from work available. I guess for me it's the whole waiting until December. The last time we did an IVF cycle was August so we'd be waiting over a year to do it again.
The whole thing makes me feel so overwhelmed to be honest. I wish things were easier for us, I wish I was able to get pregnant on my own and not have to worry about all of this but unfortunately it's not in my cards. The only thing I can do is take it one dat at a time and hope for the best.
So here's my update. Still not pregnant (no shocker there), work is going fantastic I'm really happy to be working for such a great company and I have also met some pretty awesome people that I'm happy to call them my friends, The hubby is fantastic as well (Today is his 30th birthday!) he actually just ran his first full marathon all 26.2 miles of it, I really couldn't be more proud of him. The puppy is good, she's still crazy as ever but I really don't expect anything less from her lol.
Probably the biggest update I have is that I've lost 20 pounds since January. I'm so ridiculously proud of myself I can't even stand it lol. I've been on Nutrisystem and I love it. The food is actually really good, I thought I was going to hate it but it's not bad at all. Don't get me wrong there are days when I want nothing but French fries and pizza but I know in the end it won't do me any good to go back to eating that way.
As far as the whole pregnant thing we are still on a break. It's a welcomed break to be honest, I feel like I'm myself again. There are times that of course I wish things were different or I get angry or sad but it's to be expected. Right now we are discussing going to another doctor for our next IVF which I'm completely fine with. The problem is the new doctor is 40 minutes from our house. So that means we would have to drive 40 mins there, 40 mins back to our house and work is an additional hour from there. So a lot of driving and a very long day. In the end you have to do what you have to do. Also, if we switched we'd have to wait until December to start again so that we have all of our personal time from work available. I guess for me it's the whole waiting until December. The last time we did an IVF cycle was August so we'd be waiting over a year to do it again.
The whole thing makes me feel so overwhelmed to be honest. I wish things were easier for us, I wish I was able to get pregnant on my own and not have to worry about all of this but unfortunately it's not in my cards. The only thing I can do is take it one dat at a time and hope for the best.
Monday, January 31, 2011
New Year, New Me
So 2010 wasn't a bad year but it wasn't a great year. I feel that 2011 so far has been pretty good to me. I got a new job, I started Nutrisystem and I got an awesome new camera.
We are taking some time off from fertility treatments only because...well, I need a break. I need a break to feel like myself again, to remember the things I love and to explore new things in life. I recently just got a new camera (Nikon D3100) and I'm completely in love with it. I've always loved photography but since getting the camera my love has grown ten fold. I find that I always want to carry my camera with me or I'm spending hours upon hours searching things on the internet trying to learn as much as possible. I've even signed up for a photography class which I'm really excited about. I really think 2011 will be a fantastic year.
We are taking some time off from fertility treatments only because...well, I need a break. I need a break to feel like myself again, to remember the things I love and to explore new things in life. I recently just got a new camera (Nikon D3100) and I'm completely in love with it. I've always loved photography but since getting the camera my love has grown ten fold. I find that I always want to carry my camera with me or I'm spending hours upon hours searching things on the internet trying to learn as much as possible. I've even signed up for a photography class which I'm really excited about. I really think 2011 will be a fantastic year.
Monday, December 27, 2010
It's The Small Things
I don't think I've ever been so happy to get my period as I was yesterday. The last time I got my period was on November 1st after taking Provera for ten days. I was really starting to worry about not getting it again that I went to my RE and had them do some blood work on me. Come to find out that I ovulated on my own and that I should be expecting a period at any moment so you can imagine my surprise when I woke up yesterday and I had cramps. I ran into the bathroom and yup it start. I was so happy that I went to find Dan and do a little happy dance about it.
Now normally this isn't a huge deal to people but to someone who for the last four months has only had two periods that's pretty awesome. I think I can finally say that my body is hopefully getting back to normal.
Now normally this isn't a huge deal to people but to someone who for the last four months has only had two periods that's pretty awesome. I think I can finally say that my body is hopefully getting back to normal.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I'm A Working Gal
So I started working this past Wednesday and I have to admit that it feels really good. I didn't realize how much I actually missed working (go figure right) but it's the truth. Everyone is so nice and friendly, it feels good to actually work for a company that cares about their employees and is professional. The last place I worked at was a complete joke, I was completely ecstatic when I walked into work on Friday and found out that I have the best supervisor. It's really just a breath of fresh air to be honest.
Unfortunately, in the midst of all that was going on we got some bad news that Dan's aunt had passed away very suddenly on Monday. We went down to be with his family yesterday and my heart really does go out to his cousin. He's 23, no brothers or sisters, in law school, father is MIA and now his mom passed away. I know if that was myself and my mom passed away there would be no counseling me. I will continue to keep them all in my thoughts and prayers and hope that his cousin somehow finds peace.
Today is Christmas decorating day! It's actually the best day of the year besides actual Christmas. I love to decorate for the holiday, put up the lights and tress. The house just feels warmer when we have the Christmas stuff up. I'm not looking forward to standing outside with Dan in 30 degree weather helping him hang lights but I'm a good wife and I don't want him to have to do it all by himself lol. Maybe I will even make some cookies or brownies after dinner tonight.
I will post pics once we have everything up!
Unfortunately, in the midst of all that was going on we got some bad news that Dan's aunt had passed away very suddenly on Monday. We went down to be with his family yesterday and my heart really does go out to his cousin. He's 23, no brothers or sisters, in law school, father is MIA and now his mom passed away. I know if that was myself and my mom passed away there would be no counseling me. I will continue to keep them all in my thoughts and prayers and hope that his cousin somehow finds peace.
Today is Christmas decorating day! It's actually the best day of the year besides actual Christmas. I love to decorate for the holiday, put up the lights and tress. The house just feels warmer when we have the Christmas stuff up. I'm not looking forward to standing outside with Dan in 30 degree weather helping him hang lights but I'm a good wife and I don't want him to have to do it all by himself lol. Maybe I will even make some cookies or brownies after dinner tonight.
I will post pics once we have everything up!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
It's Been A While.
I just haven't felt the need to write about what's going on. I felt like everything was at a standstill until my period arrived and arrived it did. After 62 days of not having it the Provera did what it was suppose to do and it jumped started my cycle.
Unfortunately, we are holding off with our third IVF until April. The reason for the delay is that I found a job! Finally, after a year of looking for work I will be working with Dan. Well not with him just for the same company. I don't think I could work all day with him, have lunch with him and then come home with him. I'd probably be pulling my hair out a month into working. While I'm crazy happy that I found a job it's bittersweet for me. On the one hand it will take a huge load off of our shoulders money wise but I'm still upset we have to put IVF on hold.
We currently are trying on our own using the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor and it's a breeze to use. No guessing, no nothing. It's so crazy but I feel like us having a child is so far away. Like it's an almost unobtainable goal. That no matter what we do it either doesn't happen or something happens where we have to put it on hold. After a while it gets to you especially when I know people who are on their second or third kid while I'm still struggling to have one. I wish it was easy for us, I wish we were the kind of people where I could look at an ovulation calendar have sex a few days and then be pregnant but those aren't my cards. I wasn't dealt the easy cards so I'm just trying to play the hand I have to the best of my ability. At times yea my cards are pretty fucking sweet, don't get it twisted. I sometimes look at my friends or family who have kids and think: yea I don't have to get up at 6am, or yes I can spend four hundred dollars on a pair of sunglasses because it's Tuesday. But also that doesn't mean I wouldn't give it all up in a millisecond if I did become pregnant.
I'm just trying to keep my head above water with it, at times I'm ok with not having kids living in my own bubble (it's nice here and there's chocolate) and other times it's hard, it feels like a hand is around my throat squeezing to the point where I can't breath and I'm fighting for all the air I possibly can get but all I'm doing is fighting.
When do you stop fighting?
That's the question that seems to be running through my mind. When is enough, enough? When do you say that you've put your body through enough and move forward with the next step whatever that might be? I can't see myself not having kids but is it also the kinda thing where you want something but it doesn't necessarily mean you are going to get it?
As of now we are going to continue to try on our own and go forward with IVF in April and see where that takes us.
I wish this kinda thing came with an instructional manual.
Unfortunately, we are holding off with our third IVF until April. The reason for the delay is that I found a job! Finally, after a year of looking for work I will be working with Dan. Well not with him just for the same company. I don't think I could work all day with him, have lunch with him and then come home with him. I'd probably be pulling my hair out a month into working. While I'm crazy happy that I found a job it's bittersweet for me. On the one hand it will take a huge load off of our shoulders money wise but I'm still upset we have to put IVF on hold.
We currently are trying on our own using the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor and it's a breeze to use. No guessing, no nothing. It's so crazy but I feel like us having a child is so far away. Like it's an almost unobtainable goal. That no matter what we do it either doesn't happen or something happens where we have to put it on hold. After a while it gets to you especially when I know people who are on their second or third kid while I'm still struggling to have one. I wish it was easy for us, I wish we were the kind of people where I could look at an ovulation calendar have sex a few days and then be pregnant but those aren't my cards. I wasn't dealt the easy cards so I'm just trying to play the hand I have to the best of my ability. At times yea my cards are pretty fucking sweet, don't get it twisted. I sometimes look at my friends or family who have kids and think: yea I don't have to get up at 6am, or yes I can spend four hundred dollars on a pair of sunglasses because it's Tuesday. But also that doesn't mean I wouldn't give it all up in a millisecond if I did become pregnant.
I'm just trying to keep my head above water with it, at times I'm ok with not having kids living in my own bubble (it's nice here and there's chocolate) and other times it's hard, it feels like a hand is around my throat squeezing to the point where I can't breath and I'm fighting for all the air I possibly can get but all I'm doing is fighting.
When do you stop fighting?
That's the question that seems to be running through my mind. When is enough, enough? When do you say that you've put your body through enough and move forward with the next step whatever that might be? I can't see myself not having kids but is it also the kinda thing where you want something but it doesn't necessarily mean you are going to get it?
As of now we are going to continue to try on our own and go forward with IVF in April and see where that takes us.
I wish this kinda thing came with an instructional manual.
Monday, October 25, 2010
55 Days And Still No Period
Yup....
This is my life. Went into the doctor because I still haven't had a period since my last cycle. He put me on Provera in order to jump start my period in order to get on with the next cycle.
I can't believe I will be doing another IVF cycle. I'm hoping and praying with everything that I have that this cycle is the one.
This is my life. Went into the doctor because I still haven't had a period since my last cycle. He put me on Provera in order to jump start my period in order to get on with the next cycle.
I can't believe I will be doing another IVF cycle. I'm hoping and praying with everything that I have that this cycle is the one.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Back From Vacation & A Reality Check
Vacation was great, we had great weather and a great time. I really couldn't have asked for a more perfect week away with Dan and Bella.
I came back and I was feeling great! I got a new haircut which I love, I was in a good mental state and I actually forgot about infertility until I stepped into my doctors office for my WTF appointment. I felt like I got slapped back into reality real quick. My doctor walks into the room and the first thing he says is "I'm so depressed over your cycle" *insert blank stare here* I then replied "join the fucking club."
He said my last cycle was perfect, I had great blasts and that there is really no reason why it didn't work. I just don't know what to say about that to be honest. He suggested trying yoga or acupuncture, I have no problem with doing yoga but I know acupuncture is not covered by my insurance and it can get pretty expensive. I'm going to call this one place my doctor suggested tomorrow and I will see what he has to say. If it's too much money sorry doc but I'm not doing it.
I feel really frustrated about this whole thing really. To not have answers as to why it's not working, to be told that I had a "text book" perfect cycle but he doesn't know why it didn't work it makes you question if you're really suppose to be a mother. What do I do from here? We are going to try again but I only have this cycle and another one before it's over. What happens if it doesn't work? Do we go on and live without kids? Yes we would adopt but seriously who has 30 g's just laying around doing nothing with? not myself.
I guess I can only take it one day at a time and see what happens.
I came back and I was feeling great! I got a new haircut which I love, I was in a good mental state and I actually forgot about infertility until I stepped into my doctors office for my WTF appointment. I felt like I got slapped back into reality real quick. My doctor walks into the room and the first thing he says is "I'm so depressed over your cycle" *insert blank stare here* I then replied "join the fucking club."
He said my last cycle was perfect, I had great blasts and that there is really no reason why it didn't work. I just don't know what to say about that to be honest. He suggested trying yoga or acupuncture, I have no problem with doing yoga but I know acupuncture is not covered by my insurance and it can get pretty expensive. I'm going to call this one place my doctor suggested tomorrow and I will see what he has to say. If it's too much money sorry doc but I'm not doing it.
I feel really frustrated about this whole thing really. To not have answers as to why it's not working, to be told that I had a "text book" perfect cycle but he doesn't know why it didn't work it makes you question if you're really suppose to be a mother. What do I do from here? We are going to try again but I only have this cycle and another one before it's over. What happens if it doesn't work? Do we go on and live without kids? Yes we would adopt but seriously who has 30 g's just laying around doing nothing with? not myself.
I guess I can only take it one day at a time and see what happens.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
What If I Was A Paraplegic Instead Of Infertile?
So, what do you think people would say if I told them I was paraplegic instead of infertile?
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralysed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralysed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralysed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that – yet again – it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.
And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever – unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity. The last thing your friend needs is to be at someone’s garage sale and get unsolicited advice from said secretary’s sister’s cousin’s dogwalker’s barista about how she and her husband just need to get really drunk one night and jump in the back seat of the car. Because she’s probably already tried that, too.
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralysed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralysed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralysed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that – yet again – it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.
And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever – unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity. The last thing your friend needs is to be at someone’s garage sale and get unsolicited advice from said secretary’s sister’s cousin’s dogwalker’s barista about how she and her husband just need to get really drunk one night and jump in the back seat of the car. Because she’s probably already tried that, too.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Vacation Countdown
We are going away in 9 days!
I can not wait to just go and get away from it all. We are heading down to The Outerbanks next Sunday with my bff her husband and their daughter. My vacation plans have changed so much over the last year that I'm glad we finally decided on going here. We rented a house a few blocks from the beach and it's going to be so relaxing.
The house is awesome. It's five bedrooms, game room, hot tub, private pool and like I said right near the beach. Here are some pictures of the house:
I can not even wait!
We are bringing Bella with us so this will be her first vacation. I'm nervous to see how she does with that eight hour car ride. I'm sure she will be fine ,we plan on making a few stops here and there so we will let her so she can do her business and we can stretch our legs.
It's going to be a great week!
I can not wait to just go and get away from it all. We are heading down to The Outerbanks next Sunday with my bff her husband and their daughter. My vacation plans have changed so much over the last year that I'm glad we finally decided on going here. We rented a house a few blocks from the beach and it's going to be so relaxing.
The house is awesome. It's five bedrooms, game room, hot tub, private pool and like I said right near the beach. Here are some pictures of the house:
I can not even wait!
We are bringing Bella with us so this will be her first vacation. I'm nervous to see how she does with that eight hour car ride. I'm sure she will be fine ,we plan on making a few stops here and there so we will let her so she can do her business and we can stretch our legs.
It's going to be a great week!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
What My Life Would Be Childless
I have imagined what my life would be like if I had no children. To go through the rest of my life without ever being pregnant, ever being a mother, living alone with only my husband. I love my husband very much but if it was only going to be the two of us for the next 40 years, I might just cry right now. Let me paint you a picture of what my life would be like without kids.
MY LIFE WITHOUT CHILDREN
Starring Me and My Husband
It is a Saturday morning, me and my 40 year old husband are sleeping late because we went to an all night club and we are both very hungover. All our other friends left the bar by 10pm to get home for the babysitter but not the two of us! We ordered more tequila shots and partied with some guy named ‘Big Billie’ until the wee hours of the morning. But it’s Saturday morning and we have nothing to do all day. I might not even take a shower all weekend! Without the cost of children, Dan and I have purchased a mansion, equipped with a maid and a Swedish pool boy named Sven. Dan has purchased his dream convertible and I quit my job with my extra wealth. During the weekdays, we both eat potato chips and cupcakes for dinner and drink 5-10 cups of coffee a day. Tuesday evenings are a big night for us both, starting with our 7pm knitting club, followed by a TV marathon of ‘Deal or No Deal.’ Our friends might invite us over for dinner and they brag about their children’s new jobs or weddings. Dan and I smile politely and dream about our upcoming vacation to Paris. We are known in our circle of friends as the couple who decided never to have children. I never correct people or tell them the truth. I just eat extra dessert because, out of all my friends, I still look amazing in a bathing suit and have zero stretch marks. As I age, I enjoy my remaining years in a luxury retirement village off the coast of Mexico while my other friends live in their grown children’s basements. I leave everything in my will to my local library. The library dedicates the infertility book section in our names. And that is our legacy.
See. Being childless doesn’t sound so bad…. Right?....Wrong
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Bitter Is The New Black
Lately the word bitter fits me perfectly. I try to smile and suck it up but sometimes the bitterness just starts to bubble over. Sometimes I just want to scream " Hey fertile count your fucking blessings that you don't have to put up with half the shit I do." Speaking of which, I've started to refer to people as fertiles. Fucked up? maybe. Do I care? not at all.
The thing is, anyone who hasn't dealt with infertility has no clue what it's like to walk a mile in my shoes. I wish they would, maybe then they'd shut the fuck up about their pregnancies, or how I should relax, or how maybe I'm not doing it right. That's right lady I don't know how how to have sex, why don't you tell me or better yet draw me a picture of how it's done because clearly I'm getting it wrong somewhere.
I feel like I'm apart of the infertility lotto. Every month all of the women I know who are going through infertility go through the same thing. Blood work, ultrasounds and meds. During that time you get to know how many eggs are going to be retrieved or released and the number that they give you 10 eggs, 17, 6, or whatever. That's your lottery number and every month we hold our breath and pray that our number gets called. Some are lucky, others like myself are not. The women who aren't so lucky are left putting back together our broken hearts and spirits. Tell me how that's fair? because in my eyes it's not.
We all deserve to be mothers. Every last one of us.
What The Fuck Appointment
I have one next Tuesday. Basically you go in and just talk about your last cycle and what your next plan of action is. At this point I'm so bitter that I just don't care what my doctor has to say. It makes me nervous because we only are allowed four IVFs for our lifetime and well we are already working on #3. Dan and I have talked about adopting and we are open to it but it's crazy expensive. Costs are around 25-30k, not something we have hanging out in our bank account. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
