Lately the word bitter fits me perfectly. I try to smile and suck it up but sometimes the bitterness just starts to bubble over. Sometimes I just want to scream " Hey fertile count your fucking blessings that you don't have to put up with half the shit I do." Speaking of which, I've started to refer to people as fertiles. Fucked up? maybe. Do I care? not at all.
The thing is, anyone who hasn't dealt with infertility has no clue what it's like to walk a mile in my shoes. I wish they would, maybe then they'd shut the fuck up about their pregnancies, or how I should relax, or how maybe I'm not doing it right. That's right lady I don't know how how to have sex, why don't you tell me or better yet draw me a picture of how it's done because clearly I'm getting it wrong somewhere.
I feel like I'm apart of the infertility lotto. Every month all of the women I know who are going through infertility go through the same thing. Blood work, ultrasounds and meds. During that time you get to know how many eggs are going to be retrieved or released and the number that they give you 10 eggs, 17, 6, or whatever. That's your lottery number and every month we hold our breath and pray that our number gets called. Some are lucky, others like myself are not. The women who aren't so lucky are left putting back together our broken hearts and spirits. Tell me how that's fair? because in my eyes it's not.
We all deserve to be mothers. Every last one of us.
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