Saturday, December 26, 2009

Big Decisions

So tonight Dan and I went to dinner to get away from all the left over food and also to talk about our current income situation. I lost my job back in October and since then I've been looking for another one but coming up with nothing. I've sent countless resumes, went to three different employment agencies and I also went on two interviews that were probably the worst I've ever been on.

As we were talking I was saying how annoyed I was at myself for not going to college. It's not that I didn't get in any where it's just that I got a job right out of high school making more money than any eighteen year old I knew. It was the first time I didn't have to rely on my parents to get me what I needed. When September came around and school was starting I made the very stupid decision to not attend. I didn't start to regret my decision to not attend college until about a year ago when we moved to our current city. The jobs are few and far between here, the majority of the jobs here are in hospitals and with no college degree you can't touch one of those jobs.

After talking for awhile about our upcoming IVF cycle and the fact that when I did get a job my paycheck would be going to daycare we decided that I will be a stay at home mom. At first I was thrilled, I get to watch my child(ren) grow up and not miss a single second. I then started to think that although it will be fantastic to stay home with them I also love to work. I know some people are probably saying that I'm crazy, that they would love to stay at home but I've never been that type. I like going into work and learning new things and working a nine hour day. Sensing that something was wrong he asked why I wasn't jumping up and down at the thought of never having to work again. I explained how I felt about working and again about going to college ,he then suggests that I can get a part time job or go back to school. I feel like I'm torn I want to be able to stay home and be a fantastic mother when the time comes and I also want to go back to school.I know I can always do online course which is something we talked about as well. I know we have time to talk about it and go over all of our options but I can't help but think that either road I take will be great.

Friday, December 25, 2009

What A Great Holiday.

We had such a great two days. Tons of food, family and laughs. I couldn't ask for a better family. We went to my parents house on Christmas Eve and then Dan's parents for Christmas. My mom of course out did herself with the food.

My family knows how to throw a party let me tell you lol. Santa also made an appearance for the little kids which is a tradition that has been around since I was a child. It's something that I cannot wait for my kid(s) to experience. The excitement of the night and the thought of seeing Santa is something I know they will love.
On another note, as much fun as I had the past two days I couldn't help but be kind of happy that the holidays are almost over. It just means I'm that much closer to February.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's Begun

I just got off the phone with my IVF nurse and we went over what the next step will be towards our upcoming cycle in February. Next month I have to go for a sonohysterogram. The sonohysterogram or saline ultrasound, is a procesdure where saline is injected into the uterus while an ultrasound is performed. It is used to look for polyps, fibroids, and other uterine abnormalities that may get in the way of fertility.

My doctor will insert a speculum (probably the worst part of the procedure!), swabbed the cervix clean, insert a thin catheter through the cervix, removed the speculum, and inserted a transvaginal wand to use for the ultrasound. The doctor then slowly will allow saline water to move through the catheter and into the uterus so the uterus would expand. He will then move around the transvaginal wand to see the uterus and ovaries from different angles. During this time a trail embryo transfer will be done. Basically a small catheter, much like the one that will eventually have embryos in it, will be inserted into the cervix and injects a small amount of saline into the uterine cavity. The purpose is to show if there would be a problem with the eventual transfer (i.e. scar tissue, stenosis of the cervix). It also measures your uterus and length of your cervix.

I can't believe this is all happening. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time.

Monday, December 21, 2009

We've Switched Over

We are going organic. I know some people don't believe in it, they think there are no benefits of eating organic but that's so not the case. Organic food tends to contain higher levels of vitamin C, cancer fighting antioxidants, and essential minerals such as calcium, magnesium, iron and chromium. There are also no nasty additives. Organic food doesn't contain food additives
that can cause health problems such as heart disease, osteoporosis,migraines and hyperactivity.

Organic food avoids pesticides. More than 400 chemical pesticides are routinely used in conventional farming and residues are often present in non-organic food. There is not a reliance on drugs. Organic farming standards prohibit the routine use of antibiotics and growth hormones in farm animals. Really organic food just tastes better healthy soil + organic seed = healthy, organic food that naturally contains flavor-enhancing essential vitamins and minerals. Do a taste test and compare non-organic carrots to organic carrots. Organic carrots taste like they were just pulled from the garden and non-organic carrots taste, well…….pretty bland.

I know some think it's expensive to buy organic but when you really sit back and think about it what would you rather have. Food that is pumped full of growth hormones or food that tastes good simply because of how it's grown? To me the choice is pretty simple.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I Can't Stand The Snow

Against my window, I can't stand the snow (a little remix from Missy Elliot's I Can't Stand The Rain)
I really hate the snow. When I was younger sure I loved it, loved the fact that I could possibly not have school, playing outside with my parents. All of which is great but now as an adult I can't stand it.

Snow ruins everything, you can't go out, it's bitter cold and on top of that you have tons of shoveling to do. Who wants to shovel for six hours? not me I tell you. We just had our very first snow storm of the season and we received somewhere between 18-21 inches. C'mon really? Mother Nature couldn't ease her way in with maybe 5 inches or so. Nope she had to dump all this shit on us. Now some people love the snow "I love it, I love being snowed in" for me it makes me miserable. I seriously have been the biggest bitch since yesterday. I'd give anything to live on the West Coast right about now, it's going to be 73 in Los Angeles today. 73 is perfect weather, not too hot. You can probably walk around with a light jacket and flip flops. Not like here where you have to have layer upon layer of clothes and lets not forget about the dry skin.


Since there is not much I can do about the snow I'm going to go watch trashy television.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Take This Knife Out Of My Back Won't You?

CHRISTINA IS A BACKSTABBER Pictures, Images and Photos

We've all dealt with this one time or another.

People who you let in and they just continue to shit on you over and over. I've finally let go of all these people in my life, I will never ever again put up with bullshit. Friendship should not be work, friendship should be a two way street. A friend doesn't do something for another friend and then turn around and say "see, this is what I did for you."

A friend should treat you with respect, everyone wants to be respected, no one wants to feel like their position or opinion is being mocked. You also have to show a friend confidence, insecurity is not an attractive quality, and in general people do not like being around it. You have to show confidence in your friends abilities, their ability to succeed, improve and in their ability to do whatever they put their mind too.

A friend should be loyal. It's unfortunate that a lot of people fall under this category of not being loyal. If a friend tells you something in confidence that doesn't mean you should tell everyone within a five mile radius. What was discussed between you and someone else should not be said to anyone. Now don't get me wrong, we've all talked about people, about a situation, about how one thing or another is messed up but you have to know when to set boundaries. You have to know when to say when.

A friend shouldn't be selfish. When you're in a friendship or any relationship for that matter you can't be selfish. It's not always about you, about what you can get from someone, how someone can help you. I think being a selfish friend is almost as bad as being a flaky friend. I'm sure we've all had to deal with this as well, you make plans with someone, you get all excited to hang out and then they don't call you back but you get a text saying "Sorry, I can't hang out, I have XYZ to do" and you're stuck. Basically it sucks and it's not fair because I bet if you did that to said friend you'd hear about it for the next week.

Lying is also a huge no-no in the friend department. I don't care if you're lying about what color socks you have on or lying about me to someone else. You just don't do it. I've been in plenty of situations where I've caught the other person flat out lying but because they were my friend I never said or did anything about it. I don't know if it's because they always needed the attention or if they were doing it on purpose to hurt me. Either way it goes back to the whole insecurity thing.

I've learned a lot from people that I'm no longer friends with. I never regret being friends with them but I now know what I will and will not put up with.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I Always Say A Little Prayer

At night before I fall asleep.

I'm not a very religious person. I went to Catholic grammar school with a few years of public thrown in and then Catholic high school for good measure. So for me I feel like religion was shoved down my throat. I think it's safe to say that I'm the only person who went to summer school for religion. So when it comes to going to church, the bible and so forth I'm not big on it but that doesn't mean I don't believe. I feel that I do my best work at night when I have a clear head and can really "talk" with the big guy.

I'm always very thankful for everything I have; my family, friends, health, and some materialistic things that I've grown to love. After I get all of that out of the way my prayers if you will always turn towards IVF. "Please God, let it work. We will be the best parents." Then it dawned on me, if I'm going through IVF technically it's science more than faith per se. Even as much as I want to believe that faith does play a part in it I can't help but to think if it's going to work it's going to work. Now some people will say that if it works it's God's doing but I question that. I question it because I question almost everything about the Catholic religion so for me this is just one more thing that adds to it. There could be a multitude of reasons why an IVF cycle wouldn't result in a full term baby but to me it doesn't necessarily mean that God had anything to do with it.

I don't know maybe I'm way off base here but again it's only my opinion.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I Love A Lazy Saturday.

Dan is taking a cat nap, Bella is trying to cuddle on the couch with me all is peaceful in the H's home.

I love that, I love waking up with nothing to do. No set plans, no rushing to meet someone or be someplace. Just me Dan and Bella. I'm even still in my PJ's, you can't get any better than that. The only thing we are doing is taking in a late movie tonight and that's it.

So Dan and I have been talking about going away for a weekend, to reconnect, to get away from the outside world and just have some us time. I've been doing some research online about where to go and I've looked at Cape Cod, Boston, and Maine. These are the three contenders on where to go. I love Boston, we've been there numerous time and I always know what I'm getting when I go there, great shopping, great restaurants and tons of culture. Maine looks fantastic as well, I like that it will be the off season when we go so not a lot of crowds. Cape Cod I'm on the fence about, while it looks like it will be a very romantic weekend I'm afraid that I'd become bored very quickly. We both like to go to new places and explore new things and I'm not sure that Cape Cod will have that in the off season.

I feel that when dealing with something in ones life such as infertility that you should try to get away with your significant other. You sometimes forget what it's like to truly want one another because you have the pressure of trying to get pregnant. You aren't being together just for the sheer joy of it you are together because that line on your ovulation test strip tells you so or your doctor thinks that the timing will be just right.

I love going away with Dan, we always have the best time together. We'll try crazy restaurants, we'll have breakfast in bed and most important we will just enjoy each others company. I always feel so connected to him after we come home and that is what makes me want to keep on this journey together.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Time Just Isn't Going Fast Enough.

It feels like February will never get here. With the holidays just around the corner I can't help but to feel a pang of sadness thinking about seeing my family on Christmas Eve with their children. Laughing, smiling and just being all around happy. My husband and I are the only ones who do not have kids so you can imagine what it's like walking into my parents house and seeing nothing but kids running around waiting for Santa to get there.

I always allow myself the first day at the start of a new cycle to be completely and utterly miserable after that I suck it up and keep going. I don't allow myself to wallow in my misery for more than one day. It's just not healthy for me but that doesn't mean on some random Tuesday I don't feel like I can break down at some commercial about some sort of baby product. I do have to say that my family is very understanding about what I'm going through. Maybe it's because I don't let infertility take over my life or maybe it's because I do have a good attitude about it. I don't know. All I do know is that some days I feel like IVF will give us our baby and others I feel like my struggle is just beginning. I know in the end that I will be a mother one way or another it just feels like time isn't going fast enough.

I wish when we were going through all of our testing that my doctor turned to me and would have said xyz is the reason why you aren't getting pregnant. Instead it was us being classified as unexplained infertility. For me I think it would have been easier to hear that there was some sort of problem as to why it wasn't working out instead of just having no reason at all.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I'm Completely Annoyed.

I'm just not in the best mood today.

It first started with a call from the pharmacy telling me that the antibiotics they are filling are not good to take if I'm pregnant. I explained yes I know it's not but I'm not pregnant. He then reminded me again it's not good to take if I'm pregnant, I had to then repeat myself that I know it's not good to take while pregnant but again I don't have anything to worry about since I'm not pregnant. After saying that there was dead silence on the phone, two minutes later he says ok well it's just not good to take while you're pregnant. I just hung up the phone. I mean c'mon if I told you numerous times that I'm not pregnant then there is a good chance I know what I'm talking about.

I'm tired of sitting home, I lost my job two months ago and I'm going crazy. I've put my resume out there well over fifty times, went to two employment agencies and all I get is "I'm sorry we have nothing right now." It's frustrating. Some days I think to myself not to worry that I'll find another job but other days, days like this it makes me upset. I start to think about the fact I need to shell out thirty five hundred dollars for my upcoming IVF cycle, my mortgage, bills, and just daily essentials. It sometimes feels like we will never have enough to cover it all. Let's also not forget that besides needing thirty five hundred for IVF we also need money for medicine and doctor visits.

When I saw my IVF coordinator we went over my insurance and she told me that I needed the money to be paid in full two weeks prior to my cycle starting, I had a meltdown. I had no clue where I was going to get the money from. I walked out of her office called my mom and started crying. Granted I'm very thankful that we are covered for infertility but having to pay that much I wasn't ready for. My first reaction was we can't do this, we can't get the money, what can I sell to get this money.

The feeling of wanting a child is so overwhelming for me that at that moment in time I would have given up everything, put the house up for sale, sold the cars, anything. Anyone who has experienced infertility knows exactly how I feel. Thank God I have great parents and a great husband. We all came up with ideas as to how to get the money and in the end we are moving forward with our IVF cycle in February.

The only good thing about today was that I watched Julie/Julia and I have to admit it's a really good movie. I would highly recommend watching it.

Random Shit

So, when a doctor completes a woman's sex change into a man, does the doctor see him/her off by saying "Take two of these and call me in the morning"?

You know, I've never actually met a tranny before.I feel kind of ashamed to admit that.I need to start hanging out in seedier places Or I just need to be thankful I've never met a tranny.They kind of scare me.I know, I know, I need to be more accepting and loosen up."Stop being so stiff", is what you're likely saying.But I don't think I'm too stiff, hell, I'm less stiff than two-thirds of what ends up in Lindsay Lohan's mouth

Hey, you laugh, but she's just doing her part to stay un-pregnant.I can commend her on that, as in this day and age, parenting is harder than ever before. Honestly, I have friends with kids, and it astounds me what a full-time job it is. I really do have some insane respect for you guys and your dealing with kids on a daily basis. So, we've established that I'm the last person in the world that should be giving parenting advice.And of course, I am going to now proceed to give some parenting advice.Lord, this is like Soulja Boy putting on a spelling bee.

All the same, I think this needs to be said...

Moms, Dads, Baby mama's and others provern by Maury to have children.....please...PLEASE stop forcing your kids to grow up so fast.
I saw a kid the other a stroller....with his collar popped....with a faux-hawk.Are you fucking serious?

Look, I know you think your kid is a little pimp...he's so smart and he's so adorable and you just want him to be cool!No.The only reason you're dressing your kid up like a mini Ryan Seacrest is so other moms and teenage future sluts will come up and tell you how cute he is, which feeds YOUR fucking ego.

3 year old kids are still supposed to be wearing dinosaur undies, not the CK boxer briefs you have him in that he will inevitably pee all over.Kids should be wearing overalls, not an Iron Maiden t-shirt.

And god help me if I see parents forcing their kids to listen to "their" music.I know the new "Girlicious" single is blowing up the charts, but do we really need to start breaking down our children's self esteem before their vocabulary hits a dozen words?Seriously, all kids learn from popular music is how to perform oral sex.

Look, I know it's cool to have your kid know all about grown-up stuff, and look just like a grown-up, but if your 4-year-old has a tongue ring?I'm sorry, she's destined for slutdom.
Of course that 4 year old with a tongue ring is giving handjobs by 8, or fucking bitches by 12.

These are the exact people that get so tired of normal sex, that the only thing that gets them off at the age of 20 is when an amputee dresses up in a badger costume and gives them a reach-around whilst wearing a nintendo power glove, biting their ear with vampire fangs and whistling "Tie A Yellow Ribbon".
...and even then, it's an uphill battle to orgasm.

I dunno, maybe I'm way off base here.But fuck it, raise your kid how you want...I'll just be over here laughing as you slip little Candee into her crotchless onesie.

Too far? Or not far enough?

I've never really understood crotchless garments.I was under the impression that the entire purpose of underwear was to protect your genitals.Seriously, with the environment how it is right now, I'd be scared of getting smog-box or some similair type ailment walking around with fill-in-the-blank panties.Making it through a day wearing crotchless panties without contracting some sort of disease would be an absolute Pap-Smearicle.

Sigh.All this corrupt shit happening in the world.It makes me yearn for my childhood, as I was not subject to any grown up shit.

Shut The Fuck Up And Stop Whining. .

In today's society, you will find a tremendous amount of stress cast upon your shoulders. Often times, you may ask yourself, "How many burdens can one person carry?" With the stresses of work, or lack there of, and family, this question is quite justified. I know from personal experience, the trials and tribulations that life hurls at you.

Volume One of Shut The Fuck Up And Stop Whining Before I Punch You In The Fucking Face explores the issue of time management. Managing time is an important concept that eludes many. One should think that since the invention of calendars, a person would easily balance their schedules by noting the event, appointment, or what have you, inside the little fucking square designated to the day and number which represent a fucking date. It isn't fucking rocket science. Fuck Blackberries and electronic date organizers. Those little fuckers are designed to piss people off and make shit confusing. Go get your ass a damn pen or a pencil, even a crayon will do, and write the shit that is so fucking important to you down on the calendar. Fuck, you can prick your fucking finger and make a notation in blood for all I care.

Tardiness is absolutely unacceptable to me. I could not give a shit less for your excuses unless you are dying or taking the initiative to stop by the fucking store to purchase booze. If I have plans to do something with you and you do not manage your time well, it ultimately affects me. Why is that so fucking hard to understand? The later you are, the more drunk I become, which really cuts the chances that I will be in a suitable state to mingle in public. It's a lose/lose situation, and it is all of your fucking fault.

To stand me up is highly dangerous. Whether you forget to write our date down on the fucking calendar or you were under the mistaken impression that standing me up to do something with someone else would be more fun, you are going to find a severed horse head tucked in nice and snug at the foot of your bed. I'm totally "God Father" gangsta like that.

If you would like to avoid as many complications in your life as possible, all you need to do is put some good time management skills to use. If you do this, you can alleviate a large sum of the burdens that weigh on your weak, weak shoulders. And remember, if all else fails, take a deep, relaxing breath and shut the fuck up and stop whining.

If I Ruled Everything

If I ruled everything all politicians would be required to participate in a once a year televised karaoke night. Not only do they need to loosen the fuck up (in a non hire a hooker way) they also need to learn some humiliation. And I think it would be funny

If I ruled everything, I'd designate my own driving lane, and anyone who gets caught using it will get a fat fucking fine that I will selfishly keep and spend on myself, my friends, family and other people I deem worthy of free money.

If I ruled everything rich people would have to pay more taxes, not less. No big tax breaks for the rich. Those people need to start sharing the wealth. Besides most of them don't actually do any real work. Their workers do all of the bullshit work and they get all the cash. In fact all big boss people should have to spend at least one full week per month doing the job of one of their employees.

If I ruled everything all children under the age of 13 would be required to spend a certain amount of time skipping rope, double dutch, play freeze tag or anything for that matter. As long as it is some sort of playing that does not involve any technology.

If I ruled everything everyone surrounding me should have to learn to be semi-organized. I hate dysfunction due to disorganization.

If I ruled everything pot would be legal. Which being a drug that is less harmful then lets say crack it should be legal anyway. Besides, we would have less minor criminals, more enforcement agents to focus on real drugs. If the government cornered the market on the production and sale of marijuana (like cigarettes) the country would have a massive income source. We would save money from no longer pursuing minor pot dealers and growers, save resources in our law enforcement agencies, and make money. Plus, think of all the good it would do in medicine.

If I ruled everything all the teachers and daycare workers would get paid more. Hello, they help teach and raise our children. They should get fucking paid more. Seeing in how they do the job many parents are failing to do anyway.

But sadly, I do not rule everything

Sunday, December 6, 2009

What No One Told You About Trying To Conceive.

That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.

That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.

That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your husband at ovulation time.

That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.

That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.

That one day you wouldn't mind checking your CM or CP to see if it is your fertile period.

That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.

That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.

That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm

That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month

That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.

That you have no control over some of the goals you set.

That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen.

That one day my husband would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside.

That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.

That miscarriage is so common.

That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.

That I'd EVER be willing to stab myself in the stomach or ass every day in the hopes that it will help get me PG.

That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.

That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby.

That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed.

That I could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unecessary.

That I would be happy to see abundant cervial fluid and tell my husband about it.

That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.

That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.

That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.

That having your period show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.

That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.

Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.

That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.

That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart an hpt in the hopes there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.

That infertility is more common than you think.

That my husband would get used to doing his 'thing' in a jar.

That one day all of this will make us stronger.

That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.

That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.

That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.

That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).

That I would have to rely on doctors to give me the final say-so on what I can or can't do.

That foreplay would consist of my husband asking "How's your cervix today"

That an HSG will hurt no matter what people say. The pain does not go away with two Advil's.

That I should have become a gyno-which I think at this point I know more then some.

That some people just say the wrong things.

That a simple blood test costs $648.

That sex would ever become a chore.

That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."

That I would learn to speak in code
Like I checked CM which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, dh won't let me for fear of BFN

That when AF showed up you would feel broken and disfunctional.

That your friendships with your girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.

That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it.

That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.

That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.

That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 18 months TTC...)

That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would enfuriate me beyond belief.

That someone would suggest adoption to me in order to get pregnant (because it happened to a friend of theirs) before I had even had any testing done.

That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."

That it puts this much strain on a marriage.

That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the bitch.

It's good to know I am not alone.

That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.

That every girl should go to the gyno as soon as she gets her period for the first time.

That sex does NOT ALWAYS equal pregnancy.

That your body has its own mind.

That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.

Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.

That all of a sudden nursing other people's babies becomes a depressing NOT joyful feeling.

That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right about of the required "hormones" or doing what it should now how to do.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Just Let It Go

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this, when people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would, no doubt, have continued with us.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

It doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. You've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have he'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Sometimes you just need to let it go. You need to know when it's time to move on from things and people.

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life you need to let it go.

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains you need to let it go.

If you have a bad attitude you need to let it go.

If someone has angered you, you need to let it go.

Life is too short to not be surround with people that love you for you and who genuinely care for your well being. There is no need to try and stay connected with anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


The hubs and I got a new dog about two weeks ago and her name is Bella. She's a pitbull and the sweetest thing, until today. Normally hubs leaves for work around 6:45 and she's walked had her breakfast played with the whole nine. I get out of bed at about 7:30 open the door and there she is, tail wagging like I've been gone for a year. I come into the living room to see our Christmas stocking on the floor, half the garland is gone and my pillows for my couch are in my spare bedroom.

She's not normally like this, she's one and I know she is still a puppy but it's just out of character for her. All day long every other word out of my mouth was no. I walk into our garage to get something come back she has the hubs work clothes in her bed with her and she's licking them not only was I happy that it wasn't my clothes but it was just really cute. Of course I had to tell her no that it's bad but she doesn't get it but how can I get mad at this face:

I think we may need to enroll her in some puppy classes.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Holy shit I have a new blog

Welcome welcome welcome.

I figure I would start a new blog since I'm about to start the craziest journey of my life. The hubs and I are starting IVF coming in February. I gotta admit I didn't think I'd ever be here. I didn't think I'd be "one of those" you know what I'm talking about. The bitter, cynical, jealous bitch that infertility has lead me to be. I'd always thought I'd get knocked up the first few months but nope. Six failed IUI'S (intrauterine insemination) later and we are headed down the IVF fast lane.

I met with my IVF coordinator about a week ago and set a plan in motion. Come January I get to call my RE or Reproductive Endocrinologist to set up an appointment to come in get some blood work, ultrasound and get pumped full of drugs. If this doesn't sound like a fun filled month I don't know what does. It's really hard to be optimistic after so much time as gone by with the same result but until then, I'm going to enjoy the holidays with my loved ones, have some laughs, have some drinks and wait for February to come around.

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