I'm Completely Annoyed.

I'm just not in the best mood today.

It first started with a call from the pharmacy telling me that the antibiotics they are filling are not good to take if I'm pregnant. I explained yes I know it's not but I'm not pregnant. He then reminded me again it's not good to take if I'm pregnant, I had to then repeat myself that I know it's not good to take while pregnant but again I don't have anything to worry about since I'm not pregnant. After saying that there was dead silence on the phone, two minutes later he says ok well it's just not good to take while you're pregnant. I just hung up the phone. I mean c'mon if I told you numerous times that I'm not pregnant then there is a good chance I know what I'm talking about.

I'm tired of sitting home, I lost my job two months ago and I'm going crazy. I've put my resume out there well over fifty times, went to two employment agencies and all I get is "I'm sorry we have nothing right now." It's frustrating. Some days I think to myself not to worry that I'll find another job but other days, days like this it makes me upset. I start to think about the fact I need to shell out thirty five hundred dollars for my upcoming IVF cycle, my mortgage, bills, and just daily essentials. It sometimes feels like we will never have enough to cover it all. Let's also not forget that besides needing thirty five hundred for IVF we also need money for medicine and doctor visits.

When I saw my IVF coordinator we went over my insurance and she told me that I needed the money to be paid in full two weeks prior to my cycle starting, I had a meltdown. I had no clue where I was going to get the money from. I walked out of her office called my mom and started crying. Granted I'm very thankful that we are covered for infertility but having to pay that much I wasn't ready for. My first reaction was we can't do this, we can't get the money, what can I sell to get this money.

The feeling of wanting a child is so overwhelming for me that at that moment in time I would have given up everything, put the house up for sale, sold the cars, anything. Anyone who has experienced infertility knows exactly how I feel. Thank God I have great parents and a great husband. We all came up with ideas as to how to get the money and in the end we are moving forward with our IVF cycle in February.

The only good thing about today was that I watched Julie/Julia and I have to admit it's a really good movie. I would highly recommend watching it.