Random Shit

So, when a doctor completes a woman's sex change into a man, does the doctor see him/her off by saying "Take two of these and call me in the morning"?

You know, I've never actually met a tranny before.I feel kind of ashamed to admit that.I need to start hanging out in seedier places Or I just need to be thankful I've never met a tranny.They kind of scare me.I know, I know, I need to be more accepting and loosen up."Stop being so stiff", is what you're likely saying.But I don't think I'm too stiff, hell, I'm less stiff than two-thirds of what ends up in Lindsay Lohan's mouth

Hey, you laugh, but she's just doing her part to stay un-pregnant.I can commend her on that, as in this day and age, parenting is harder than ever before. Honestly, I have friends with kids, and it astounds me what a full-time job it is. I really do have some insane respect for you guys and your dealing with kids on a daily basis. So, we've established that I'm the last person in the world that should be giving parenting advice.And of course, I am going to now proceed to give some parenting advice.Lord, this is like Soulja Boy putting on a spelling bee.

All the same, I think this needs to be said...

Moms, Dads, Baby mama's and others provern by Maury to have children.....please...PLEASE stop forcing your kids to grow up so fast.
I saw a kid the other day....in a stroller....with his collar popped....with a faux-hawk.Are you fucking serious?

Look, I know you think your kid is a little pimp...he's so smart and he's so adorable and you just want him to be cool!No.The only reason you're dressing your kid up like a mini Ryan Seacrest is so other moms and teenage future sluts will come up and tell you how cute he is, which feeds YOUR fucking ego.

3 year old kids are still supposed to be wearing dinosaur undies, not the CK boxer briefs you have him in that he will inevitably pee all over.Kids should be wearing overalls, not an Iron Maiden t-shirt.

And god help me if I see parents forcing their kids to listen to "their" music.I know the new "Girlicious" single is blowing up the charts, but do we really need to start breaking down our children's self esteem before their vocabulary hits a dozen words?Seriously, all kids learn from popular music is how to perform oral sex.

Look, I know it's cool to have your kid know all about grown-up stuff, and look just like a grown-up, but if your 4-year-old has a tongue ring?I'm sorry, she's destined for slutdom.
Of course that 4 year old with a tongue ring is giving handjobs by 8, or fucking bitches by 12.

These are the exact people that get so tired of normal sex, that the only thing that gets them off at the age of 20 is when an amputee dresses up in a badger costume and gives them a reach-around whilst wearing a nintendo power glove, biting their ear with vampire fangs and whistling "Tie A Yellow Ribbon".
...and even then, it's an uphill battle to orgasm.

I dunno, maybe I'm way off base here.But fuck it, raise your kid how you want...I'll just be over here laughing as you slip little Candee into her crotchless onesie.

Too far? Or not far enough?

I've never really understood crotchless garments.I was under the impression that the entire purpose of underwear was to protect your genitals.Seriously, with the environment how it is right now, I'd be scared of getting smog-box or some similair type ailment walking around with fill-in-the-blank panties.Making it through a day wearing crotchless panties without contracting some sort of disease would be an absolute Pap-Smearicle.

Sigh.All this corrupt shit happening in the world.It makes me yearn for my childhood, as I was not subject to any grown up shit.